What exactly are bird hunter problems? Well BHP's typically afflict those that prefer to spend their free time chasing elusive birds such as but not limited to grouse, pheasants, ducks, geese, quail, woodcock ect. This same group has been known to have a propensity towards bourbon, fine fire arms and in most situations would prefer to be in the sanctity of the outdoors than anywhere else. They are inherently good folks who after purchasing hunting dogs found themselves buying trucks, truck caps, custom kennels, kayaks, pigeon lofts, racing pigeons, expensive shotguns, remote bird traps, engraved whistles.....and as such through no fault of their own they leave themselves vulnerable to ridiculous situations the rest of the population never seem to find themselves in. At some point in the vortex of my life I went from "I may have problems" to crap....."I have Bird Hunter Problems". The following scenario is prime example of the situations that can only occur in our lives.
This meme has nothing to do with the ensuing story but it makes
me laugh. I salute whoever made this.
Allow me to the set the stage. I'm leaving the gym on my lunch break from work this past Friday and Jim calls.
Ring Ring! (That's my best-worst impersonation of my cell phone ringing which isn't a good impersonation at all because its always on vibrate. BUT lets all play along. It's more fun that way).
Me: Hey Jimbo!
Jim: Hi Baby! (This is a good time for me to note that Jim normally replies "Hey Rob!". And his use of "Baby" is an immediate indication he's been involved in or orchestrated some amount of tomfoolery).
Me: Uh huh.....What's happening?
Jim: We kinda have a problem. (Shocking Jimbo, Shocking)
Me: Like what kind of problem?
Jim: Some of the pigeons got out of their pen.
See we HAD a pigeon coop in the backyard. But Cleo and Luna couldn't handle one being on the property. They would obsess and bark and do everything they could to get to the coop. It got to the point that we have been forced to move the pigeons (when we occasionally have them) into the hidden safety of our garage. Yea....not ideal but its probably way better for them in the long run. Cool in the summer. Warm in the winter. No mouthy shorthairs barking obscenities at them. It's a regular old flying rat resort here. Now back to our conversation.
Me: Seriously? How did that happen?
Jimbo: The latch must not have been put on tight. (Ummmm no one opened the latch but you Jimbo....but I digress)
Me: So like how many pigeons are we talking?
Jimbo: Um....15 maybe?
See our ranch styled home was built in the early 1970's so at the time a full firewall (meaning one that goes from the floor to the interior roof line) between the garage and the house was not required. Since purchasing the house four years ago it's always been on the list to put one in. But we opted to gut the interior and spend ample time bringing the outside up to date. So in an essence there is no barrier at an attic level between our garage and our attic. Wonder where the pigeons flew off too!?!?!?!!
Me: So...where are the pigeons now. (Legit passive aggressive rhetorical question).
Jimbo: Well you know......
Jimbo: I'll need your help tonight
Me: (Smashing my face into my steering wheel) Ok honey. Can't wait.
This is Jim catching loose pigeons in the attic (by crawling around with a fishing net and a flashlight) and then handing them down to me to put back in their pen. He's laughing because I'm determined to document this since no one will ever believe me otherwise. (And yes...sadly were sober). #birdhunterproblems
Want some more bird hunter problems? Feel free to check this ridiculous post out: The Unseen Dangers of Duck Work.
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